Ding Ducks Suggestions Page

 If you have any suggestions email us at: ding@swamp.com.au or click on the cartoon below.

 Here is some more of the great suggestions offered by readers to the above strip from our daily mailouts over the past week:

"Actually, Ding does fly. But shortly after takeoff he always crashes head first into the ground. Obviously, his real problem is a lack of control: he is too unstable. Could be some sort of center of gravity problem. He could try getting a longer tail. He should avoid looking at the ground because he seems to follow his head. But then he would run into stuff.

His short wings are not generating enough lift, either. He beats them furiously, but only gets a few inches off the ground before crashing spectacularly. They may even have a negative angle of attack. Perhaps if he tried lying on his back before taking off.

Maybe his wings are not generating enough thrust. Ding could try gliding. He could be towed into the air or he could jump off a high cliff. Or launch himself from a catapult or crossbow.

Ding's instructor never flies. Can he fly? There are flight instructors such as myself who specialize in difficult cases. He could try a new instructor. Personally, I am kind of busy, but it couldn't hurt to ask, could it? His tough luck if some of those instructors are duck hunters.

He could write to Wile E. Coyote for advice. Of course, Wile E. can't fly either, but he seems to have an unlimited supply of various devices from the Acme Co.

Ding does not understand navigation, either. He needs a GPS. The cheapest GPS I know of is also the most accurate. You simply draw a circle on piece of paper and write "You are here!" in it. Sure enough, every time you look at the paper, it will tell you where you are.

Perhaps Ding was really meant to be a helicopter. He could try rotating his wings really fast. There was a case (in Indonesia, I think) where a helicopter was stranded because its wooden rotor blades were eaten by termites.

Ding should also be working on his instrument rating. Ducks do this by blindfolding themselves.

He could try special diets that will give him more energy so he will generate more thrust. Those diets might also make him fat and too heavy to fly.

He could try energy drinks. Those might make him sick. Or they might make him buzz around in random directions like a fly until he is eaten by a giant frog or lands in a dung pile."  Christopher

"A real and genuinely practical approach to learning how to fly (for a duck anyway):
1. Climb aboard an airplane capable of reaching about 5000 meters altitude. Do not take a parachute. You may need some supplemental oxygen. Be sure you are traveling over water.
2. At altitude, bail out. On the way down, you will learn how to fly, or you will splash land.
3. If desired or necessary, go to step 1." Jeff

"Look at how many people learn to fly in gliders before getting their powered wings!  So get our mate the big gruff eagle to snatch him up in his talons, take him high aloft, (aerotow) then accompany him in a slow steady glide to earth, with a smooth landing on the grass in the biggest unobstructed paddock in the country..." Drew

Previous suggestions from our email recipients:

"I have been enjoying the series of cartoons with the request for ideas for Ding Duck. My suggestions are based around Ding Duck getting a little older now and therefore would be eligible for Government training assistance to learn to fly!
1. A Government official in charge of flying could visit the Swamp as a response of hearing Ding cannot fly.
2. The official could talk with different swamp charcters about Ding to gain information (eg Ding’s teacher, the flight controller, Ding’s dad, etc)
3. The official could talk to Ding and have him apply for Government assistance to be trained.
4. Perhaps this assistance would mean a new Government trainer to assist Ding’s existing teacher (eg perhaps a return for “I’m back” – he now works for the Government)

Funding is available from the government for just about anything – why not help Ding." Alan

"Catapult, a ski ramp and a skateboard cause I fear your legs just can't quite acheive the required RPM to reach V1 and subsequently V2, I trust you have learnt what these mean in your flight theory lessons, however, don't forget, what goes up, must come down." Christopher

"Ding, When we went to school we made paper planes out of paper…..i.e. get a sheet of A0 paper, fold to glider shape, sit on top, release from cliff top and glide into the history book." David

"Some Bullyducks straps him up on a kite.... fly, fly. Since its quite windy this day and those bullys obviously have been eating to much , they don't tie him up properly so while he's up there , troubles starts, and he falls, and falls and falls and ......"
Haakan

"Your lack a not terrestrial activities may be due to your inherent knowledge that aviation can only be safe if you are aware of your situation and hence this perfectly sensible knowledge is causing a subconscious urge not to leave terra firma." Russell

"Send him on a quest to find Jonathan Livingston Seagull." Porky

"An important question: should Ding fly ?
Crashing while attempting take-off is generally a manegeable emergency.
But imagine the problems he will encounter when airborne. First all the things he will experience in the air: low and high speed flying, naviagtion, weather, performance problems, emergency management, etc.
And not to mention the final and biggest problem: THE LANDING.
As we all know most crashes happen during the landing phase, and looking at the years of problems with take-off it is my impression that landing will not be easy for Ding.
The good thing when Ding starts flying: an enormous amount of brilliant cartoons....."
Martin Leeuwis (Martin has ublished a number of Aviation Cartoon Books including a number of Gary's strips featuring Ding. To check them out click here.)
 
"How about a magic carpet ? Or a pet cloud to ride upon ?" Stefan

"Try attaching helium balloons to a lawn chair and jump off when you get high enough!(pack a parachute, just in case!). Best wishes from a big fan"
Charles

"Dream about it... It will make you happy and it's harmless!!!" Nuno

"Give Up before you end up in traction.  Start buying air line tickets at Virgin Blue Airlines for flights. You can become a wonderful teacher even if you cannot preform. Look at those who train our sports figures....  Come on Dink...Think!"
Huzzi

"That's an easy problem, get him on a plane. Simple when you think about it. And for comic apeall, just after it takes off you could have the plane in the same position Ding if when he tries to fly." Thomas

Here is some of the great suggestions offered by readers to the above strip when it ran in the paper recently:

"Has ding considered using a trebuchet (catapult).  Seems to work for things up to the size of small cars." Paul

"Did you ever try rockets?" Georg

"Why not release the handbrake, ding?" Carl

"Try JATO (Jet assisted take off) or rocket assisted." Rob

"Perhaps jump off a cliff? It will certainly give you motivation to fly, though I'd take a parachute just in case." Anthony

"Try paragliding." James

"Fear is a remarkable stimulus, try annoying the Bludgerigar some time if you want enough speed." Justin

"Sorry to say it mate, your got as much chance of flying as a brick has.  Only from a cliff but with a bad landing. Short of that, you could try to become a teacher." Thomas

"Find a high cliff. At least when you take off you know you’ll be air-born and it’ll just be a matter of figuring out how to land – spectacularly – one way or another. Long time fan."  Jeanette

"Douglas Adams gave the answer, in (I think) "So Long and Thanks For All The Fish". The secret of flying is to fall over, but at the crucial moment to be so distracted by something irrelevant that you completely miss the ground." Craig

"I know you will most likely reject this suggestion, as it does not feature in Oz. But please consider: why don't you travel to Nepal and try learning to fly by gliding from one of the high peaks of the Himalaya? Only an option.
Maybe the Snowy Mountains or the Dandenongs will make do as well." Ina

"The trick is: to throw yourself at the ground and AVOID hitting it.My source: the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy" Hanne

"Ding – have you tried he hang-glider approach?" Colin

These are all comments in response to the strip in the papers. If you want to tell Ding yours email us at ding@swamp.com.au